Ongoing Goals (read more about these here)

• 65 Help Dave launch his first cookbook
• 77 Weigh less then my husband & 79 Reach my goal weight of 180 lbs – Cut back on slurpees and chocolate
• 88 Start a monthly date night – Plan 1 date night for March
• 73 Read the entire Bible – Beginning the Reading The Bible In A Year plan
• 1 Pay off the van – This month make the regular monthly payment
• 6 Put $10 in savings for each task completed – Decide where to save this money and get started

Goals To Work Towards

• 23 Finish reading Preparing Your Daughter with Ariel – Make time to read a chapter each week (3 chapters in March)
• 89 Read 5 Christian marriage books – Finish reading Every Woman’s Marriage
• 51 Put together a Relay for Life team – Find at least 5 participants and sign up our team
• 99 Start journalling & complete all the prompts on http://journalingprompts.com/ – Journal 6 times per week (18 times in March)
• 67 Help Dave open his restaurant – Complete at least 3 sections of the business plan

Goals To Complete

• 14 Bake cookies and bring them to Grandma – That’s pretty straight forward right? Spring break is this month so I am going to add it to the to do list for that week.
• 22 Start doing devotions together as a family – I am going to sit down with Dave tonight, talk about this and decide how and when we want to do this so we can get started.
• 68 Relaunch the Invitation Atelier – This basically involves getting the website back up and running and then starting to promote it. It’s something I have wanted to do for a while but I keep putting it off.

Goals To Save Towards

I have decided not to use this section yet. I am not going back to work full time until next month so money is tight and I don’t want to add to the stress with yet one more thing I want to find money for lol. This section will come once I am working again.

1 Pay off the van – We are currently making monthly lease payments which makes this an ongoing project. We will also have a $1500 buy out to pay in Summer of 2011 that we will need to save for.

6 Put $10 in savings for each task completed – Pretty self explainatory right? I don’t know what we’ll use this money for but I think we’ll probably use it to do something special to celebrate when I finish this list. IF I complete all 101 items, I will have $1010 saved up:)

65 Help Dave launch his first cookbook – For those who didn’t know, Dave has a blog at Dave’s Kitchen Revolution where he shares his recipes and cooking experiences. Our goal is to eventually create a cookbook. This is an ongoing project and right now Dave is concentrating on developing recipes and readership at his blog. Our hope is to launch the first cookbook in Spring of 2011.

73 Read the entire Bible – I am going to use the Reading Through The Bible in A Year Plan and I will keep you updated on how it is going.

77 Weigh less then my husband & 79 Reach my goal weight of 180 lbs – Both somewhat related lol. As off right now, my goal weight would put me 10 pounds lighter then Dave and I need to lose 55 pounds to make that happen. I am tackling this goal in small steps with lifestyle and eating habit changes rather then with drastic diets

88 Start a monthly date night – This is on the Ongoing list because its something that needs to be done every month – forever and ever. Well, at least until the end of the 1001 days lol.

I finally finished my 101 list this morning – and will admit I had to read through a lot of other people’s lists to get the last spots filled lol. Overall – I am pretty happy with my list.  You can read the whole list here but here is a summary:

• Financial Goals – 7
• Family Goals – 17
• Hobby Goals – 7
• Household Goals – 12
• Environment Goals – 2
• Organization Goals – 4
• Giving Back Goals – 8
• Learning Goals  – 5
• Career Goals – 6
• Spiritual Goals – 8
• Fitness Goals – 8
• Relationship Goals – 8
• Just Because Goals – 9

I like dividing them up that way but I also divided them up on my own into categories based on what the requirements are:

• 26 Time Goals: These are goals that can’t be accomplished in a month and have to be worked on over time (like reading the entire Bible)
• 12 Big Money Goals: These are goals where the biggest hold back is money and they cost more then $500 (like buying a house)
• 23 Little Money Goals: These are goals where the biggest hold back is money but they cost less then $500 (like buying a better digital camera) or would be paid in amounts over time (like sponsoring a child or starting the kids on allowance)
• 36 Other Goals: These are goals that do not cost anything (or less then $100 if anything) and do not take much time (like hosting a couples fondue party)

So – realistically – in order to complete 101 things in 1001 days – you need to do 1 thing every 10 days = 3 per month. Each month I am going to set specific goals which will include:

• 3 Things I want to complete that month
• How much money I want to put towards saving for Big Money items that month
• 2-4 TIME Goals that I will work towards that month

Each month I will blog about my goals for that month and at the end of the month I will blog about what I have accomplished so far. I will also blog about specific tasks when they get crossed off the list. So – March’s goal post will be coming up next:) Enjoy!

In the mean time, I figured I would recap the things I did finish on this list. Enjoy:)

• #11 – Take the kids to the zoo
• #19 – Start a family night tradition
• #27 – Get accepted on to at least one scrapbooking design team
• #34 – Clean my carpets
• #41 – Get a recycling box and start using it
• #47 – Create a family activity schedule chart
• #49 – Make a chore chart for the kids
• #53 -Volunteer to deliver hampers with the kids
• #56 – Volunteer for a fundraising committee of some sort
• #58 – Finish College
• #68 – Write an eBook
• #75 – Teach Sunday School for a year
• #83 – Renew my wedding vows
• #88 – Watch the entire Heroes Season 1

There were also a few things that, as I look over the list – I did do and just never blogged about them:

• #26 – Get something I made published – I have had some of my ad designs published in magazines. That sort of counts lol.
• #51 – Vote in the next Federal Election – I voted, and the guys I voted for won.
• #99 – Get a tattoo, designed by Dave – SORT OF done, I did get a tattoo but I designed it myself. I am still getting one designed by Dave, probably in September.
• #101 – Make a new 101 in 1001 list - doing that now:)

Most of the stuff on the list that I didn’t do don’t bother me that much. Some were goals that were unrealistic in the time frame. Others are goals that became irrelevant as life and personal situations changes. Others are just not a big deal and were only on the list because I thought they would be fun some day. That being said, there are a few that I wish I could say I had done – and these will most likely be on my next list as well:

• #6 – Save 2 months income in an emergency fund – We really need to do this. We have no excuse – it just hasn’t been a priority. But it should have been.
• #7 – Start the kids on an allowance and teach them how to budget/tithe/save with it – I think this is an important part of basic parenting and my kids need this. We just need to DO IT!
• #14 – Have my parents over for a dinner date – You know, its not like I eat supper EVERY night. And it’s not like the mile between my house and theirs is SO FAR AWAY! GEEZ!!
• #15 – Bake something with the kids and take it to Grandma’s – Again, she lives SO FAR AWAY! A whole 4-5 blocks.
• #30 – Finish Lisa’s wedding album – You know, the one I am doing as a gift for her 26th Birthday? Did I mention she’s 28 now?

So there you have it lol.  This weekend I will post my new 101 list. Watch for it:)

My all time favorite sandwiches ever:

1. Dave’s Breaded Steak Sandwich – this is the AMAZING steak sandwich Dave made for dinner last night. I’m eating one right now, as I type lol. He came home for lunch and made one up for me:) Have I mentioned that I LOVE this guy?

2. Malboro Man’s Favorite Sandwich on Pioneer Woman – I’ve made this a few times – its one of the things that I can make that everyone, including Dave, really enjoys. It’s a short list – so that’s pretty awesome.

3. Farmer Sausage Sandwich on the lunch menu at the Brass Lantern – This is what I order every time. I’m not a big fan of farmer sausage but the sauce they use on this sandwich works so well with the farmer sausage that I absolutely love it.

Do you have a favorite sandwich?

Foolish heart looks like we’re here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don’t let anybody in
Hiding my heartache
Will this glass house break?
How much will they take
Before I’m empty
Do I let it show?
Does anybody know?

Chorus:
But You see the real me
Hiding in my skin
Broken from within
Unveil me completely
I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty
Oh, Cause You see the real me

Painted on
Life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I’m tired of the song and dance
Living a charade
Always on parade
What a mess I’ve made of my existence
But You love me even now
And still I see somehow

Chorus:
But You see the real me
Hiding in my skin,
Broken from within
Unveil me completely
I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty
Oh, Cause You see the real me

Bridge:
Wonderful, beautiful
Is what You see
When You look at me
You’re turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry

Oh, I just wanna be me
I wanna be me

Chorus
Cause You see the real me
Hiding in my skin
Broken from within
Unveil me completely
I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty
Oh, Cause You see the real me
And You love me
Just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful
Is what You see
When You look at me

Course #1: A Flower Salad

Cute right? The salad is in a half a red pepper with the petals made from slices of tomato. The stem is celery and the leaves are spinach.  

Dessert: Raspberry parfait

Very yummy – the picture doesn’t do it justice. It was whip cream, raspberry preserves and ladyfingers in layers.

So good – just to small. I could have eaten a dozen. Shouldn’t – but coulda lol.

Who is your man? Dave
How long have you been together? Next month will be 13 years from our first kiss
Dating/Engaged/Married? Married – 10 1/2 years
How old is your man? Lol OLD – VERY OLD. Almost 30 in fact.

Anyway – I wanted to share a couple songs. Part of the reason that praise and worship has been so hard for me is because my heart talks though songs. Often when I’m in the middle of something God will use songs to talk to me. I also often use songs to share my feelings with other people (Dave, etc). Anyway – here are two songs that have been on my heart all day.

August 28th Dave turned 29 and we decided to have a party at our place.  Dave and I are not big drinkers. We have the odd drink when we’re out for dinner or whatever. Anyway – I decided to get stuff to make him his favorite (ceasars) and some blue raspberry thing for me.   The problem is that I don’t really know how to mix drinks and discovered this when I went through 26 shots of vodka in only 7 drinks.   By the time someone noticed how strong I was making mine, I was well on my way to drunk.  Very drunk.  Which is both funny and embarassing in retrospect. This was my first time getting drunk since I was 19 (8 years for those who want to count lol).   Anyway – I posted on facebook about it.

A few days later, I received a call from one of the ministries I am involved in at church. You see, I’ve posted about drinking to much in the past. I worked in an office at the time with no bathroom so these were not alcohol related comments. Just drinking in general (water, pop, etc). But I could understand that it looked bad and I understood that they had to be careful. I briefly shared my side of the story and agreed to take 2 months off and attend a personal ministry session to clear things up.  At that point I was still okay.

Then, 2 weeks later I received a call from the prayer chain ministry. She had been informed that I had a “lifestyle” issue and so she removed me from the prayer chain.  I think this is were the anger started. Despite the fact that I had explained that it wasn’t what they had thought, it felt like they were passing judgement without any consideration. And this wasn’t a public ministry. It was a confidential prayer chain that barely anyone knew I was part of. It felt like I was being told that my prayers were no longer good enough.  I know Dave was pretty upset to but mostly because he say how much it was hurting me.

The following week I was in church during praise and worship and I was angry. I was praying and asking God why and He gave me a picture of someone in my life who has been hurt by the church. I haven’t been sympathetic or understanding to this person at all. God just said “Now you’ll understand” and I got it. I was glad to have a reason, excited to learn from this and see where God would move and determined not to let this situation get between me and God or me and my church.

Apparently it’s not that easy. I think my pride got in the way more then anything. The more I tried to be okay, the more I hurt.  And before long that hurt became anger – anger at the people involved, anger at myself for not dealing better, anger at the church and finally anger at God.   The problem with anger is that it takes over everything.

My life is quite different now then it was before this started.  The more angry I got, the more alone I felt. Ironically, I never used to drink but I’ve been drunk more in the last 4 months then ever in my life before this.  I know how sad that is, trust me.  That’s the least of my problems. My relationship with my husband and children is suffering greatly – partly because of the stupid stuff I’ve done recently and partly because of the depression I am dealing with.    Dave has been much better at dealing – and making sure we still go to church almost every week even though I often fight him on it.  Sitting through praise and worship is hard.  In addition to all this – I left my job a few months ago and being the one who was paying most of the bills, our finances have been a struggle while I look for a new job.  And I brought someone back into our lives that God has told me a year ago that I needed to let go of and as a result I hurt my husband in a huge way. I don’t know why he puts up with me.  I haven’t been able to be as involved in my children’s lives as I was/want to be and I know they notice. I have to intentionally try not to shut them out but at the same time not put my burdens on them and it’s a really really thin line that I’m not sure I’m doing a very good job of not crossing. I guess in the end, I let me anger turn that “lifestyle issues” statement into a prophetic statement because now I most definitely do have issues.

I guess mainly I feel abandoned – by my church and by God.  I know that’s not the case – I know He’s there waiting for me to come back. And yet I feel blocked.  In the past, when things get hard, I listen to praise and worship or read a good book and it brings me back to Him.  Now praise and worship just makes me angry. I feel broken. And I don’t know how to fix it.

I know things are changing slowly. The last few weeks in church the praise and worship hasn’t made me angry – just sad. I think I’ve reached that place where I want to get back to Him, where I want to heal.   The part where I should be going to Sozo and asking for prayer – but my mind still fights that. The church is the only place where I can find healing – and yet it’s the church that hurt me and that makes it so hard to want to go there. But I know I need to.